I Want A New Definition

So I am working on trying to be more present in my day to day life and trying to believe there is nothing to be afraid of anymore.  Because I have survived several life altering events in my life one would believe that I am confident that I can handle any situation that arises and secure in knowing I am a survivor.  In reading Louise L Hay book “You Can Heal your Life” in an attempt to rid my body of “dis-ease” one of her new thought patterns is “Letting go is easy.”

I find that hard to believe.  Although I know there is a certain comfort I have in holding on to the past only in that it helps me identify with who I am today.

Recently I was in a workshop with other brilliant talented women and at the break we were having lunch and introducing our backgrounds.  And again I heard these words come out of my mouth “I had a horrible childhood” and as I heard my voice carry in the air, I suddenly reacted by almost being sick and feeling on one hand as a broken record.  Yet one the other hand, part of me that relished in the certain fact and as if that same fact grounded me to the seat of the chair and ground under it.  It defines me and who I am.

I want a new definition.