Starting Over

May 31, 2016

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Grand Canyon - May 2016

January 2016 I had a great awakening.  I attended a 5 day meditation retreat hosted by my masterful teacher Tanda where we immerse ourselves in, my personal experience, of an inner expansion that released old fears and disclosed current behaviors that make me stay in those fears.  My root chakra is where I held most of my fears and that fear was born at the moment my mother tried to burn my fingers off when I was about 4 or 5 years old.  in this retreat i was able to relive this experience – feeling the heat, the survival desire fulling my struggling in trying to get away from her as she held my hands over the stove burner.  At that moment, I learned that my life was not mine to have and that I hated my mother.  In January at 47 years old I was able to let it go and see how I was holding my life back.  Again the belief that my life was not my own – I saw how I would give my life power away to someone else.

So I started to retake my life, step by step and continue to do so today.

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what a week it’s been

September 9, 2011

so again I am forced to stop and face what it is I am not doing correctly by way of my body giving me a “sharp” poke with it’s “health” stick!  After two sets of blood work analysis, I have thyroid issues – or another “disease” – Hashimoto’s.  If it weren’t for the blood work, I wouldn’t have noticed anything wrong because they are the same signs as the RA I already deal with – fatigue, loss of hair, body ache – but one thing has completely change is loss of appetite.  That I am grateful for but I am eating nonetheless because I know better.  There have been few moments of an unexplained headache and fatigue – but again the same for RA.

I am not at a loss but did have much anger for the 2 days after it was confirmed.  I am better today – less anger – but have not yet taken the meds prescribed because I need to make a change on my own.  Especially after reading over several articles that say once to take the meds, you will most likely have to take them for the rest of your life! I am already on a “rest of my life regime” and I don’t want another.  At least not until I have done everything I need to do on my own to rectify this issue.
Because the thyroid is in the throat – one of my self healing actions will be to write more – USE MY VOICE – and let it out.  I know this is one avenue I have toyed with for many years but what do I need an anvil to fall on my Wylie E Coyotoe head to get it – I need to speak out. Time for my fears of exposure and rejection to fade into the background and let healing take over.

Easier said than done – God give me strength to do this daily – Please help me.