September 20, 2011

Yesterday I was in a total overwhelm.  I woke up feeling angry and thinking of all the things that I wanted to do in Europe and didn’t.  I was mad at the world.  They thyroid hormones, or lack thereof, were showing.   As the day progressed my emotions continued to swing from anger, to fear and then to complete hopelessness. Which for me can very, very bleak.  I began to cry for no reason.  I got in the shower and as I was getting dressed I began to shake – on the inside.  I knew I had to not let my agenda to get to the homeopathic pharmacy in Santa Monica slip by again today.  But the thought of driving all the way to Santa Monica (it’s only a 35 minute drive away – with traffic) pretty much paralyzed me.  I had to ask for help.  And I did. E had to attend his daughters Volleyball game and open house that evening but I asked early enough so he could be able to squeeze me in.  I didn’t want to drive.

I met with the same pharmacist who had helped me with my RA supplements and she looked at all my blood work and confirmed that I do have Hashimoto’s Disease.  She spent a considerable time more than her allotted 15 minutes with us and I have several other supplements to help me along.  In addition to a new suggested dietary regime which will eliminate all gluten and diary including eggs.  The diet to help re-start my insides and possibly help my body from self attacking.  Perhaps there is something I am eating which my body assumes to be something else thus the attack begins.

I am a stubborn one and have heard for a number of years that dairy is not good for me.  But I love butter.  I will try again with a new resolve (because of a new disease) to eliminate dairy for good.

With E’s help and support I went to the grocery store and bought something I could make for dinner for me and E’s dad, J since E was going to be gone.  I wanted to push through and make myself feel better.  And with anxious overwhelm sitting on my right shoulder ready to attack at any moment, I searched a recipe that was manageable and forged ahead.  And all thru making dinner, I paced myself and pushed at the same in an effort to get through to the emotion of completion.  Dinner was wonderfully delicious to me and J enjoyed is as well.

The day ended well and the fact that I did not let the overwhelm consume me helped me today to know that I don’t have to hide under the covers for the sake of hiding.  I have taken the herbs prescribed and I know that it will take a few days for them to take hold.  My body is going through major changes and I am along for a bumpy roller-coaster of a ride.  But what I do have control over is my ability to know and take action to feel better.  And hopefully in that regard I can contribute to the major changes in my life by having confidence and reassurance that I can take care of me (with some help).

Overwhelm had me at the throat in the a.m. but I succeeded in not letting it have me all day.



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