Powerless Again

February 18, 2010

Ok so I do not know how to put this in words but I am really upset about the fact that my friend and co-worker has been laid off. I will miss her very much. I am worried that she has not found another job. I am so concerned for her well being and future; although I hope she is resilient this is still a big blow to her. And I couldn’t stop it. The powerlessness of that is at the base of why I want another job. I hate feeling this way – powerless and unable to save her. The injustice she has experienced by a fear driven malicious man is torture and I want no part of it anymore. It really hurts because she has done nothing but work hard and be committed to this job and has been dismissed as if she has nothing to offer.

I want out I want a change. God help me find a good change! I don’t want to be in place where I am in constant difference with my boss – where I say blue and says red. Contradiction is the constant and I can’t stand it. I tried 2 years and no more…please no more.

As her last day draws nearer I feel an impending feeling of doom lingering. Not as palpable as she is feeling because I have seen her suffer as well. The increasing pressure and exaggerations of how powerless and ineffective I was to save her is becoming more real. Paralyzing me as an exhibit of my feelings.

I need help in getting through this. Today I’ve had more good cry about it. And today I lay these words. Its not enough and I am angry.

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